Why do I control?

I believe this is woman's greatest enemy - control. I think (in my great theological mind) that it dates back to the Fall when God cursed woman, man and the serpent. Control in women is not usually the overt arm wrestle for power that often happens with men (like Hitler exterminating those who were not "suitable", or Sadam wanting to take over the world) rather with women, it tends to be more manipulative and subtle and therefore more slimy and seductive. There is this intensity inside of women to have everything under control, taken care of and running exactly as we planned.

I've never considered myself a control freak. I've always prided myself on being flexible, easy going about things and non-territorial. This is not the case - as I'm learning much to my chagrin. I like to have the future planned according to what I think is best suited. I like to know that I'm the one making my own life decisions. And I like to know that everything will be ok.

The reality is, I can't even control my own immediate environment, much less the vastness of the unknown of the future. I can't control my own tongue at times, much less what others say. I can't even control my own day. The bottom line that I have to come to terms with is: Life is controlled by something far greater, far wiser and far better than me - the only True and Living God.

So, why is this a constant threat in my spiritual and emotional life? Why can't I just trust in the goodness of the Lord when things don't go as planned?

I guess that is all part of this journey. Learning...