Who Stole My Creativity?

In grade 8 I had an art teacher who was, well, mean.  She was probably in her 70's (why wasn't she retired?) and I believe had stopped caring about students a long time ago.  Even art seemed like a dismal and past love that no longer carried passion in her heart. 

I used to love to draw and paint.  I entered into a brand new school in grade 8 having just  moved from North Carolina to Texas. I was so excited to take art. I could not wait to improve my skills.  I remember the first day of class, all of my excitement came crashing down as she made it very clear class would be run in a very militant style and we were here to perform for her.  At the end of the semester, I did finally have one picture that made her "Wall of Fame."  That picture was the last picture I've done.  My love for art stopped in her classroom.

Something similar happened with my passion to write. I've always loved writing. I used to scratch poems and short stories during class when I was supposed to be taking notes. I've journaled for as long as I can remember.  And though I still journal, the love of creating something powerful with words was lost long ago.  Who killed my creativity? What happened? Here's a little theology lesson on what I believe happened to me and happens to many of us. Heads up: this is probably a bit controversial (bear with me). I encourage feedback, whether you agree or don't agree. Discussion is good! You can leave a comment on my blog if you're ok to have it public or you can send me an email if you prefer to have it private.

I believe the Lord created humans in His image. He is a triune God (Father, Son and Holy Spirit). We are triune beings (spirit, soul, and body). I realize there is a whole theology based on this with those who are Dichotomist (believing we are only soul and body) and like myself who are trichotomists (body, soul and spirit).  I believe our body consists of flesh, muscles, bones (pretty obvious).  Our soul consists of our mind, will, and emotions.  And our spirit is the place that we communicate with God, it is the deepest, most intimate part of us. It consists of our identity and our creativity.  

Sometimes in life things happen that can hurt us, or set us back. This can often cause a crushing in our spirit and often the result is that our creativity gets stunted or stops all together.  I can recall in high school when I stopped writing. I was going through a difficult time and was very confused about life, my family, and who I was and what was truth.  I went into somewhat of a depression, turned to TV and food as a place of comfort and began to quietly shut down on the inside without even realizing it. My writing stopped. My storytelling (I used to tell stories to my younger sisters at bedtime) stopped. The crafts I would fashion together from inventive home resources ceased to exist. In fact, most of my passions began to fade away.   I slowly curled inside myself.

It has been a slow journey of allowing the Lord to begin to heal some of those past wounds. Words spoken over me that made me feel insecure in my creativity.  I have been praying for the past three years that the Lord would resurrect my creativity. My desire is to use the gifts He's given me and to be free to play in my creativity.  This past weekend, I was sitting outside just after a sweet, summer rain. I was journaling. I felt the Lord tenderly ask me if I was ready to start writing again. And then He placed a book on my heart. He began to formulate words, and a strong motivation to start writing. So I did! Last weekend I started writing a book. I don't know if it will ever be published. That isn't the point right now. Right now, I know He is answering my prayer. He is resurrecting my creativity and I love it!  

My boss, John Haley (thank you John!) suggested I start blogging some of my writings. What a fantastic way to start improving my skills and to start getting feedback. 

I am inviting you to join me on my creativity journey.  You can subscribe to my blog (you have to join an account with one of the groups in the drop box under "subscribe to my blog") or you can add my blog to your "favorites" or "bookmarks" page on your explorer, safari or firefox browser.  

As I mentioned, I INVITE your feedback. Positive, negative, I love discussion.  I realize its a vulnerable place to start sharing my writings. I feel a little exposed and know I subject myself to everyone's opinions. I'm ok with that - so please feel free to share.  And it will be my discipline to blog writings often. I will blog a wide variety of things: short stories, poems, journals, thoughts, prayers, etc.

More than anything, I pray my writings inspire faith, hope and truth inside of you. And if you've been stunted in creativity, I pray it begins to stir a longing inside of you...