I've recently gotten home from travels through the States. I begin to feel a bit overwhelmed when I've not kept up with my blogging - I feel the weight of the past few weeks that want to be communicated and all my thoughts tend to collide at once. Sorting through how to spell back what's been happening internally gets harder the longer I go without letting it out. Ah, the plight of a writer I suppose ;0)
This time of year brings transition. It's no secret I love summer. Fall becomes not only a physical transition, but an emotional one too. I wish I could live in a glass greenhouse my whole life that's hot and humid. That would be mint. But I can't - so I'm learning to appreciate that which doesn't have much intrinsic value to me - winter (well at least it doesn't have value yet to me).
As I'm mentally and emotionally preparing for the months ahead, I'm still processing what the Lord has been teaching me this summer. He is my Father. Did you know I feel so well taken care of? So secure. So thankful. I didn't realize how much I wasn't enjoying His care in my life. As He's been taking me on this journey of discovering how good of a Father He is, I'm amazed at how little I've understood this in the past. I didn't know I wasn't allowing Him to Father me. Though I'm still figuring this out, its absolutely changed my perspective. I am so cared for, so sought after, so wanted, so delighted in. I haven't done anything. But this very deep place inside of me wakes up in the morning knowing I am His. I belong. I didn't even know there was a part of Lauren that wasn't belonging. But now that I belong, I realized where I wasn't.
Walking in this new identity, values have begun shifting. I am not "needing" so much anymore. Not that I had lots of stuff to my name, but life is getting even more simpler. For so long I struggled to have a job that paid so I could get my own place. Not a bad desire. However, the Father is now creating Home in me. I feel at Home. Now that I know my Father, home has become internal. Fruit of that revelation is quite beautiful. Externally, there are less anchors in my life tying me down.
I have a new mandate. Here it is in all its glory:
Live simply. Give generously. Be thankful.
1 comment:
Hi Lauren,
I've been thinking about you the last few weeks. I am sitting at Curves this morning...freezing cold with two sweaters on because the women have to be happy, and seeing as how we cater to women between the ages of 40 and 60, heat is never the option. We regularily have conversations for and against the seasons. Menopausal women like the winter and non-menopausal women love the summer. I find myself somewhere inbetween menopausal and non-menopausal which doesn't seem to be able to make up it's mind. I was recently in England and had many laughs with different people because they were as obsessed with the weather (rain) as we canandians are about winter. In the winter, people talk about the winter insessantly. In England I was happy to find we are not alone in our obsession. The difference that was immediately obviously to me was that the English presevere and carry on. They simply open up their umberellas and get on with it. Canadaians, or at least Ontarians are a little bit in denial of winter. They defiantly refuse to get winter tires until it's too late. They never wear gloves unless absolutely neccessary. They run from car to work to home so that they won't get frost bite on the way. They only get out their boots when the shoes they are wearing become like skates under their feet. Now I am sure this doesn't describe all Ontarians, maybe just me!!!
The Lord is teaching me about watching for and being aware of Him in every moment. This is not an easy teaching. In fact it is really hard. It means that I have to ignore much of the things that I ususally give attention to and in doing so I am finding that they are not so important. When I was on the plane coming home I looked to my left out the window and what I saw took my breath away. The endless ocean and blue sky gave way to land. I almost shouted out "I SEE LAND!" Instead I told Him what I saw. I knew it was Newfoundland without being told, I could tell by the shape, it was incredible. I sat smiling, thinking that the God of creation breathed and formed something out of nothing and even though He is bigger than the word big can describe He is interested in every detail of my little life. So Lauren, this Canadian is, for the first time, since probably childhood, excitedly anticipating fall and winter. I want to embrace fall and winter this year with the same expression that seeing Newfoundland gave me. "I SEE BEAUTIFUL LEAVES EVERYWHERE" OR even better I am going to wait with sheer joy for the day to come when I can go and wake up my sweet 12 year old son and tell him "I SEE SNOW!!"
This year I am going to pray for the Lord to provide the money for snow tires so that I won't have to be frightened driving without them and I think I will get a really brightly colored pair of mittens and as for boots....well, I think I want the kind I had in highschool...big and furry!!!!!
Looking forward to hearing about you time in the states.
Lots of love
Tracy
Post a Comment